Love is a many splintered thing

Off and on I will be quoting supposed facts from so-called experts that in reality are just glorified census takers. You can believe every word I say if it pleases you, but don't be too surprised if somebody calls you a moron if they find out that you did so.

Experts claim, no, they insist, that the average person falls in love seven times before marriage. They also say that two out of five marry their first love, dramatically adding to the number of broken hearts suffered by the other three if seven is the average.

I knew a guy once who would fall in love two or three times on an average trip to the grocery store. He never married but he sure bought a lot of flowers.

Single girls and bachelors have a decidedly different approach in how they choose their romantic partners. Guys tend to select all of their lady friends for their similar qualities, including the one he marries.

Girls could have a dozen boyfriends and they'd all be different, as would the future groom.

Here is a shocking fact for you, albeit one on an unrelated subject. Women can talk longer and with less effort than men, and it has been proven over and over. Yes, I know, did we really need an expert to tell us that? It turns out that the vocal cords of women are shorter and so release less air through them to carry the sound.

On second thought, maybe this is related to the game of love. All of that talk can certainly weaken a guy's defenses. Furthermore, Harvard University studies show that when a domestic disturbance pops up, the spouse who talks the most wins. Sheesh, give a guy a break.

Oh well, girls get five times as many warts as boys do, so there.

Falling in love is a form of temporary insanity, and time is the only cure. Some say that love itself is what is left over, when the being in love has burned away. I guess my opinion is that every love since the first cave love is its own animal, similar and yet different to all others before and after.

They are all a madness though, in the beginning.

A professor at Northwestern University has reportedly proven that men change their minds two or three times more often than women do. He sounds like an idiot to me. No, wait, maybe he's not. Yes he is. No he's not.

Regardless, a lot of males sure have a hard time picking a female, and maybe the mind changing theory has something to do with it. Of course, women have to sort through a lot of boobs to find a tolerable one too.

Matrimonial pollsters contend that the husband who kisses his wife good-bye every morning when he leaves for work not only averages a higher income, but he lives five years longer. Pucker up boys.

Germans take their kisses seriously, for they have 30 words that refer to the act of kissing. They even have a word, Nachkuss, for all the kisses that haven't been named yet. 

Playing hard to get tends to inspire more passion in the pursuer than being a romantic pushover. Speaking of passion, the beard of a man who anticipates sex grows faster than the beard of one with no immediate conquest in mind. My wife says that ear hairs do the same thing, and in the same breath she told me with a knowing leer that mine need trimming again.

I reminded her that my perpetually hopeful outlook might have been one of the attributes that first attracted her to me. The look she gave me seemed to support the likelihood that the temporary insanity theory mentioned above carried more weight.    

I reminded her that squealers never prosper, so my fast growing ear hair is nobody’s business. Some sage once pointed out that you shouldn't kiss and tell either.

Except maybe in Germany.