The creamy soup of January

So, it is Jan. 8 and I just finished building a wheelchair ramp for my dog. Not exactly a normal January, especially considering that there is no snow on the ground, but I have a more mobile wiener dog anyway. The ramp is an acquired taste at this point, but there is hope that she will be less suspicious of it in the near future. I also have to admit that the ramp was primarily inspired by the sore backs belonging to Ma and Pa.

January was named after Janus, the Roman god of the doorway, so common sense tells you that January is the door to the year. New Year’s Eve would be the back door, where many of us unsuccessfully try to slink in without too much fanfare.

Around 700 BC Roman ruler Pompilius changed the Georgian calendar from 10 months to 12, adding a 30-day January and February, I guess because he wanted to. Julius Caesar later changed it to 31 days, just because he could. It must be nice to be the boss of the world.

January isn’t all that exciting of a month, unless you are a skier or like being housebound most of the time. If anybody cares, January 8th is National Bubble Bath Day. I can’t help picturing Marilyn Monroe peeking over the top of a mountain of bubbles when I think of it.

There is one thing I discovered that thrills me about January though; it is National Soup Month.

Soup is the perfect food, bar none. It can be cheap, nutritious, tasty and comforting, and I even like most flavors of Campbell’s.

It is actually considered the world’s first fast food, and as early as 600 BC Greek vendors sold it on the street. The first soup was merely broth poured over a piece of bread, creating what was known as sop, which morphed into soup. I’m glad it did, a steaming bowl of sop just does not sound appetizing.

 A pig might like some in his trough, but make mine soup.

 Chowder, French onion, navy bean, chicken noodle, split pea, wonton, gumbo, and hundreds of other soups around the world have been pleasing and filling up folks for thousands of years. As might be expected, there are also soups that can curdle your gut just to hear of them. Prepare for a good dose of curdling.

Menudo is a traditional Mexican soup made of tripe, cow’s stomach lining, and other things. Tripe does not usually get most people’s taste buds popping, though I have heard that Menudo can be good. Maybe I’ll try it some day if my judgment is swayed by a few Coronas.

The Chagga tribe lives at the base of Mount Kilamanjaro, in Africa, and one of their staples is a soup called kiburu. It is made of sweet bananas, beans and dirt, and often has bits of twigs floating on top as limby croutons. The dirt is said to add saltiness and an earthy flavor, and of that I have no doubt.

Supu is a Tanzanian soup that is a traditional breakfast. It contains the lungs, heart, liver, head, stomach, intestines and tongue of a goat, or a cow if they are lucky. It is widely known to cure hangovers, but in this case you can make my cure “hair of the dog”.

Chicken testicle soup is popular in many countries, and is said to be great for a woman’s complexion and a man’s libido. Guess you could call it Viagra chowder, unless something more offensive pops into your head.

One of the most expensive soups in the world is Bird Nest Soup, a Chinese delicacy that sells for up to $100 a bowl. It takes the Swiftlet birds up to 35 days to create a nest, which is then stolen and sold for up to $1000 a pound. The nests are made up almost entirely of bird spit, yummy! It is also good for the libido, I might add.

Deer Placenta Soup is another thing you can get in China, and it is, you guessed it, great for sexual stamina. They are also partial to Tiger Penis Soup, at as much as $400 per bowl, and you don’t have to ask what it is good for.

In Vietnam they eat raw, chilled duck blood soup, garnished with cooked gizzards, peanuts and herbs. Bird flu anyone?

Japan has a very special dish called Cod’s Milk Soup, which is a creamy delight made up of the sperm sac of male codfish. A restaurant in New York also serves it as a specialty. It is, of course, great for men who are lacking in the pizzazz department.

The islands of Palau have a very favorite soup made of fruit bats, cooked for hours in coconut milk, ginger and other spices. Not so horrible, you say? You may say otherwise when they set it in front of you. They do not remove the fur or the head, and it is always served with the rodent-like face peering up at you. No word on what it does to your libido, but I’m betting it would take your wife right out of the mood.

Southeast Asia is also partial to a soup sporting the entire plumbing parts of a bull, and it is said to have enormous aphrodisiac properties. At this point, if you have the nerve to eat it, I don’t doubt it a bit.

So, everybody go and whip up a pot of their favorite soup for dinner. I suggest you keep it simple though, and keep an eye on your spouse when you do. I don’t know about anybody else, but I have the urge to plant something shocking, yet sterile, in my wife’s soup bowl.

It would preferably have a hairy little face poking out, but I’m sure I could think of another option.