Friday, July 19, 2024

Scoop! First presidential debate announced

| April 1, 2024 1:30 AM


Staff Writer

COEUR d’ALENE — The Lake City has been chosen to host the first live debate between presidential contenders Donald J. Trump and Joseph R. Biden Jr.

Not only is Coeur d’Alene’s selection somewhat astonishing, but the debate format comes close to defying belief.

“Although there will be mudslinging and no shortage of unabashed filth, the narrative will put Coeur d’Alene in a relatively positive light,” said Jerry Attrix, member of a bipartisan coalition that’s coordinating the event.

And what an event it will be.

Every hotel room in Kootenai County has been reserved by national and international media expected to cover the debate. Each credentialed media member will also receive spatter-proof rain gear, Attrix noted.

“We expect the spittle range from the candidates will reach great distances,” he said.

The debate will take place at noon Sept. 31 at City Park near the bandstand. The area will be soaked overnight with 3 inches of water, Attrix said, then plowed rigorously to create muddy mayhem.

Immediately following a tug-of-war battle between the North Idaho Drag Queen Corps and the Patriot Rear-Facing Front, the presidential combatants will take the field, wearing sumo wrestling outfits over their custom-designed disposables.

Foul language will not be penalized. Appendage wrenching will be encouraged, with bonus points awarded if opponents can even locate an appendage. 

“If we get one coherent sentence out of the whole thing I’ll be shocked,” Attrix said, “but I promise it’ll be entertaining."

Tickets are available now, starting at $65,000 each for ringside seats. For information or to order tickets, call 1-800-OLD-GUYS or go to